Two or three weeks ago, I was going to write a blog thanking Donald Trump (who shall henceforth be known as DT). Was I going to thank him for being a gargantuan pustule upon the ass cheeks of America? No, I considered thanking him for the abundant opportunities for spiritual growth he and his supporters offer. Then his bevy of sexual assaults were revealed….and he bragged about them. I went.ape.shit. Screw thanking the F@#$^ Son of a @#$%! As one who has surthrived (one who not only survives an atrocity, but thrives in spite of it) being raped at gunpoint, I have an extra dose of venom for …ahem….humans (I use that term loosely in this situation) who commit violence upon innocent people.
DT was already at the top of my shit list when the tape of his confession was discovered, but at this point, I began to feel intense hatred toward him. Then the hatred spread to those who were STILL going to support him! Not only had he called vets with PTSD “not strong enough to handle it”, made fun of a disabled person to the man’s face, and on down the line of reprehensible actions and words, but this! Sexually assaulting women! Screw my spiritual growth; my heart and consciousness were shrinking with hatred. Sadness and befuddlement too, but a veritable boatload of hate. I was so rattled that I had to talk to my counselor because my peace of mind was blown to bits.
She helped me feel better, but I was still burning with pure, undiluted hate. Now this ain’t my typical modus operandi, you see. The only person I have really hated in many, many moons is the younger George Bush. Since he isn’t in public office any longer (thanks to whomever is responsible for that!!!), I don’t give him any thought. I am a firm believer that when hate is coursing through your being like lava gushing from an exploding volcano, the only person you hurt is yourself. Others can be impacted too, if you begin to let the shit roll downhill. I feared this could get ugly.
Jacking around with my deck of Fairy cards one day, I randomly opened the book describing the cards and began reading the one entitled Family Harmony. Some sentences which stuck with me were, “The more loving energy you send to that person, the more loving energy will be directed back to you. ” “If one person seems to particularly frustrate you, think of five reasons why that person is worthy of love. Send blessings and prayers to that person, and your relationship will show immediate signs of improvement.”
I am spared the hell of having a relationship with DT, but the relationship with myself has been strained because of all the hatred. I feared that the hate could spill over and poison other relationships. I know people who are still voting for him despite everything, and I haven’t been feeling warm fuzzies toward them either. I must admit, I still can’t think of 5 reasons to even like DT, and still wish no blessings befall him.
I can, however, stop judging myself for feeling so nasty toward him and his followers. Simply hating others has made me feel that I am as bad and scummy as the folks who condone his behavior. I am human, capable of a wide array of emotions. It doesn’t mean I like this emotion, but I released myself from being self-critical for acknowledging this is how I felt.
I can easily think of 5 reasons why I love the people I know who will vote for him. They are truly good humans who have different perspectives and values than I do. They also don’t have my experience with other minorities and ethnicities, nor do they have a master’s degree in social work. I studied narcissistic personality disorder in grad school, and I can smell a narcissist a mile away. Add that DT has completely no conscience (a trait from antisocial personality disorder), and this renders him a highly dangerous person to run a country. Genocide anyone? No thanks. Dictatorship maybe? Again, no thanks.
I also know I can choose how my response to a situation. I can choose to tear a phone book to shreds, or kick the dickens out of a large trash can to release my rage. I can choose among various coping skills to manage other emotions which will turn toxic if I hold them tightly.
I don’t feel all merry and light about this election and DT in particular, but I do intend to milk it for every opportunity for spiritual growth that I can. It may take me a dang loonngggg time to obtain that growth. And you too, if you have feelings similar to mine. And it’s all good. Simply be willing to remain on your spiritual path, and let it lead you where it will.
Now why he insists on doing that odious comb over….being on my spiritual path until I am older than Methuselah will never help me understand that!